For those that follow me on Twitter, you might know that I have recently had media access to the Vancouver Canucks, which means I have had the honor of watching a couple of games from Press Row (Or as those in the business call it, “Don’t Cheer a Goal or We’ll Kill You Rowâ€),  and I have also been able to partake in a couple of game day skate sessions.
For the most part, I kept my head down and tried to avoid eye contact at all times. Not knowing the unwritten rules that all job circles inherently have, I figured my best approach at making sure I was allowed to come back again, was to say nothing, and avoid making any sort of scene. For all I know, stepping on the wrong part of the carpet might incense Ryan Kesler (“THAT’S MY CARPET! THAT’S KESLERS KORNER! GET OUT OF HERE STUPID BLOGGER!â€), and then I would never see the inside of Rogers Arena ever again. I learned quickly on that for the Canucks coach press conferences that there are three rows of chairs in front of AV that nobody ever sits in. Everyone stands from afar and watches in a high school way of “we’re too cool for chairs.† I have no idea what would have happened if I had sat in those chairs, but rest assured, I stayed far away from them.
The first game day skate on Friday went very well, and without incident. I believe at one point I stepped on Farhan Lalji’s shoe, but being the pro he is, he shrugged it off and kept going. Things got a bit tense when my hand holding my microphone almost crossed streams with another reporter, but luckily Botchford was there and had my back. All in all, it was a fun time, and as Jeff Patterson called it, a successful “Bring your blogger to work†day for me. However, I knew that at my next game day skate, I had to up my game and I had to bring the goods, otherwise what was the point of me being there? I had to do something with my access.
But what to do? The mainstream media guys had all the bases covered, as they went over the usual game day questions (“How do you feel about the opponent you’re facing tonight? How do you stop random player from the other team? etc), so I had to go with a different approach. Should I go the route of the stats approach and grill Chris Tanev on his Corsi rating? No, of course not, I can barely figure out how much to tip a waitress, I wouldn’t last long with that approach. Should I ask about the goalie situation in Vancouver? No, the look of death and exasperation in a players eyes as I asked that question would probably crush my soul. So I did the only thing a blogger should do in this situation: I asked random questions about nothing. As a result, I ended up chatting with Andrew Ebbett and Andrew Alberts of the Vancouver about their beards, in what I liked to call….
An Onslaught of Facial Hair â€" The Double Andrews Story
One thing people know about me is that I love my beard. There is a certain sort of magic that comes with being a part of Team Beard, especially the connection you have with other Team Beard members. Should you ever find yourself walking down the street and you see another Team Beard member, both of you will almost imperceptibly tip your head towards the other person in mutual respect for your opposing beards. This is why when I saw Andrew Alberts and Andrew Ebbett in the dressing room, I knew these two men would be the guys who would open up to the sloppily dressed blogger.
Ebbett, himself a newer member to Team Beard, weighed in the ability of the beard to provide an edge to a hockey players game.
“Ah, geez, I don’t know. Not right now obviously, I’m not in the lineup. I’d like to think so, though. I just kind of started growing it this summer and I’ve had it on and off for a little bit. I struggled at the start of the year, so I shaved, and then I started to play well again, so I started growing it again. I might be due for a shave again, but my wife likes it.â€
A woman who likes your beard? That is a keeper good sir. Nothing is more soul crushing to a Team Beard member then when a lady looks into your eyes lovingly and goes… “So….maybe it’s time you shaved?â€
But what about other beards on the team? Ebbett certainly has a strong case for best beard on the team (Jason Garrison, another big member of Team Beard, was unavailable for comment, but has been rumored to have been trimming his beard lately), but what about other members of the team? Can anyone rival Ebbett’s beard?
“I think I’ve got the best beard. I think I’m number one right now.â€
Strong words from Ebbett, but a Team Beard member must always have faith in his facial hair, so this isn’t too surprising. This is something that the Sidney Crosby beard members struggle with on a daily basis, the lack of of “finishing†ability on their beard doesn’t allow them for much confidence in the beard. One such player who might fall into the Sidney Crosby beard category might be young Chris Tanev, so I asked Ebbett if Tanev could grow a beard.
“No. No chance. He’s got a moustache, that’s about it. Kassian and I tried to get him to do it in Chicago and it was a little patchy.â€
Once Ebbett had weighed in on the beards, I went over and talked to Andrew Alberts. At first, Alberts looked a bit wary of me, as if I might ask him if he was giving it 110%, but I quickly showed him my sneakers and sports blazer to let him know I was just a blogger asking weird questions about beards. This seemed to relax him, so I got him to weigh in on Ebbett’s assertion that he had the best beard on the team, and a question of fairness arose about the beard ranking system.
“He’s been growing it out it for three months. [My beard] is six days of growth. That’s kind of BS I think.†explained Alberts.
I quickly asked him what if the entire team started fresh and everyone shaved and started growing at the same time, who would have the better beard?
“You know, it would be close, but Chris Higgins would ABSolutely kill all of us. He grows it in really thick.â€
Better than Kassian?
“Yeah Kass is just scratchy. Higgy comes in real thick. He would take it.â€
This left only one last question….the Chris Tanev “Sidney Crosby-itis†confirmation. Will the man ever be able to grow a fully functioning beard?
“Did you guys see Tanev today? He’s been growing that for a month. Just a couple hairs all over. It’s pretty pathetic.â€
And there we have it folks, my first day on the job, reporting the stories you never even knew existed, or possibly never wanted to know about. Rest assured, though, I will be on Chris Tanev beard watch all season long, and will provide updates whenever possible.
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